It's a bit ridiculous, really, since I've only told 4 people about this blog. But I hate waiting too long between entries on blogs I read, so I'm feeling guilty that I've done nothing since that first day.
And maybe those 4 people have told friends who told their friends and I'm an overnight Internet sensation and don't even know it. Yeah, you're right. Not likely. (Though a tiny little bit of me, the same tiny bit that is always convinced I'll win the lottery when I buy a ticket, thinks maybe it could be true. I guess that's the delusional bit. Oh well, we all need one. And some of us count on it existing in order to make a living.)
I have been thinking a lot about levels of truth. I'm pretty sure it's another way of saying balance. (See, I told you I was smart.) The Universe seeks balance, and this is why change is so hard. It's not that the Universe fights us, it's that sometimes it takes a while for the Universe to figure out how to replace what we've given up. I'm definitely out of balance these days. I'm overtired and continually sabotage my own health and well-being. I choose chocolate over carrots, stay up for Letterman even though I fall asleep while reading to my kids at bedtime, and watch crap TV reruns instead of reading any of the dozens of books and magazines piled by my bed. Ones that I want to read. I keep telling myself I'll give up television completely and read for 1 hour a night and go to sleep an hour earlier than usual. I like that plan. I want that plan.
But the only person stopping me is me. And damn, I'm wicked persuasive.
So my question is--which one of you is eating all the carrots and getting all the sleep so that the Universe is holding out on me? ;-)
This has been an odd week for me and it's only Wednesday. I've had 4 clients leave my practice in 3 days. In one case I worry that I the level of truth I offered was not acceptable. I was in my element: all expert-y and cited data and well thought-out plans of action. Their response? To move out of state. Literally. They're headed north and announced at our last meeting it would be our last forever. Okay, then. There we go. Lesson learned--shut up more and find another way to flex my knowledge muscles. Or maybe not. Maybe it was the right thing at the right time but their Universe didn’t know how to let it in.
I know not to take it personally, and 80% I don't. But 10% I do and feel sad that I wasn't what they needed at this time in their life. The other 10% says f*** 'em, they can't do better and they'll figure that out at some point. A good friend of mine has a close & release ritual she does at the end of every phase of working with a group of people. I always admired it, and now I think I need one. One or 2 or 3 here and there I can let them go on their own. But there's a group now, and I need to not have them be The Proof That I Might Not Be As Good As I Think I Am.
90 minutes until Letterman.
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