And away we go.

I applied for a job today.  It's a five week, part time, 80 hours for $2,400 job, but it feels like the start of something bigger.  It's a baby leap, if there is such a thing.  It won't require me to resign from the other two jobs I have.  (Despite desperately wanting to run screaming from one of them,  I'm not ready to leave the security it provides.)

But it's not so much the job itself that is the baby leap.  It's the fact I saw the posting at 1pm and by 3:30 had written my cover letter, revised my resume, uploaded my licensure/certification info and letters of recommendation (which are two years old and I didn't bother to reread), and completed and submitted the online application.  I didn't dwell.  I didn't agonize.  I just did.  No hesitation, no weighing pros vs. cons, no tiny tug of dread at the process. 

So why was this different?  Two weeks ago I saw a similar posting for a permanent job in my field about 30-40 mins away, close to the town where I grew up.  I had an initial jolt of excitement when I saw it, and immediately contacted a friend in the town to ask if she could help me get some info.  She used some of her contacts, netting minimal info I coudn't get on my own.  The deadline was today--and by that the application and supporting materials needed to arrive to the HR office by today.  I still haven't applied.

I had a lot of conversations with myself about doing that application.  It was on my daily to do list, I had the mail-by date circled in my planner.  But even though I'm wicked persuasive, I couldn't talk myself out of watching reruns and into working on the application.  So I figured I didn't really want that type of job because when I do want something, I go for it.  Usually.

Maybe it was because Job #1 would have been a bigger risk because it is permanent (for a year, pending contract renewal and budgets), and would have required other bigger changes in my life.  Job #2 is temporary, so even if I hate it I only have to survive for 80 hours.  But deep down I have this feeling that it's more than feeling safe. It felt right, like it was meant to be.  Of course there's no guarantee I'll get it or even be considered.  But then just a little while ago I was reading meeting minutes and saw an announcement of a retirement. I realized part of what held me back from applying to Job #1 was the vision I have of myself doing the same work in another location--the very location a retirement has just been announced.  That is the truth I haven't been accepting until I found myself applying to Job #2 without a second thought.  And Job #2 could very well lead into the position vacated by the retirement.

I might just get what I really want after all.

Now to work on imagining myself in the house I want.

Away we go.